Wants versus Needs
What are legitimate needs versus wants? Discussing the foundations of anxiety.
05/09/2024
Many years ago I ran a small business in the IT industry. As the owner I felt the burden of giving everything I had to my business. I worked around the clock on any number of tasks. I stayed busy with networking and sales. I worked on various in-house and client projects. I’d spend nights maintaining our datacenter. Even when I wasn’t working, my mind was. Even when I was trying to relax, my body wasn’t. It felt like I was “on” 24/7. Before I realized it, my life began to fracture. The anxiety and pressure I felt began to take a toll on my mind and body, though it took years before I began to recognize it. My marriage became shaky and my relationship with my children suffered. Eventually, the stress began to manifest itself physically and my capacity to work was diminished. And while I worked less, my anxiety level increased. It wasn’t until my mother passed away that I gave myself permission to let go and risk everything falling apart. As I grieved her loss, I learned how to breathe again and recognize not only my need but my right to relax.
There are numerous stories of addicts who hit rock bottom before finding the ability to conquer their addiction. It seems too often that we must be pushed to the edge before we embrace change. But familiar patterns are established as children and become the roadmap for how we navigate life’s obstacles. Attempting to alter an ingrained, habitual pattern of thinking is no small task. A pattern that is familiar to many of us is treating our needs as secondary. It’s not difficult to recognize and fulfill our basic needs for food, shelter and protection, but what about our needs for companionship, acceptance, respect and fulfillment? Are you reading that list and questioning if those are actual needs?
It’s an interesting argument – what are legitimate needs versus wants or desires. As it just so happens, a psychologist, Abraham Maslow, developed a hierarchy of human needs in 1943. Think of this hierarchy as a pyramid, with each level being built upon the previous level. Addressing the needs of one level of the hierarchy was required to begin addressing the needs of the next level. Maslow identified five levels of needs. At a minimum, failing to address the needs of any level resulted in some level of anxiety and tension developing within the individual. The five levels of this hierarchy begin with basic physiological needs such as food and shelter. The second level involves basic safety, including physical, health and even financial safety. The third level deals with the need for love and belonging – interpersonal connections with family and friends. The fourth level addresses the need for self-esteem and respect, which includes being accepted and valued by others. The fifth level is termed “self-actualization” and essentially involves our need to find purpose for our lives and accomplish that which is most important to us.
Based on Maslow’s way of thinking, all five areas are human needs. We tend to limit our definition of legitimate needs to the first two levels of his hierarchy because failure to meet these needs can be life threatening. But in actuality, all five represent legitimate needs. While failure to meet these needs do not result in the same degree of danger in the same time frame, they can be dangerous nonetheless. Studies have documented the damaging effects of anxiety on the human body and how it not only can decrease the quality of life but also its length. Additionally, anxiety, when allowed to build over an extended period of time, can lead to irrational thoughts, including suicidal ideation.
So when thinking of your needs, consider the quality of your relationships and connections with those in your life. Consider if you feel accepted and valued by others. Consider if you sense a motivation to leave your mark on this world in some way. It might seem contrary to what you’ve thought and were taught as a child, but each of these are legitimate needs and failing to consider them may play a significant role in the development and growth of anxiety in your life.